Day 29 – 5-5-2021 – Breakthrough Day

I had some pretty deep ah-hah moments yesterday in connection with abundance. Now keep in mind that one of my fears that I have already mentioned was being alone and broke. I felt that through and through for many years, even up until I left my last relationship.

As I’ve explained before there are limiting beliefs that we learned as children that continue to hold us back into adulthood until we decide we are tired of our lives flipping on its’ head in what feels like every circumstance.

Mine have been: I’m not good enough. I don’t matter. No one cares about me. Everyone leaves me.

These limiting beliefs, in my understanding, feel to me like my inner child. You see children don’t understand feelings when they are young as they haven’t fully developed their frontal lobes (or prefrontal cortex) which really doesn’t happen until we are 25. So, until that time, we can not understand how or what is happening when our emotions and feelings come to the surface. We are supposed to be guided by the adults in our lives to maneuver this, however, most generations have the same issues of not understanding how to do this because of their own traumas, so they can’t very well teach the new generations how to deal with them.

As children, what is remembered, somewhat, are the memories of the event. The challenge with that is the emotions that we don’t understand which are surfacing also distort the event as well. Have you ever listened to, say 5 people, recap a story of a situation in which they were all involved and everyone has a slightly altered story.

Well, isn’t that interesting.

The frontal lobe plays a role in regulating emotions in interpersonal relationships and social situations. These include positive (happiness, gratitude, satisfaction) as well as negative (anger, jealousy, pain, sadness) emotions. (medicinenet.com)

If we can understand this about young children, young adults and ourselves, we can walk through some of the pain that we have been harboring, literally, in our physiology. Dr. Van Der Kolk, who wrote the book The Body Keeps the Score, explains how our bodies remember pain and stores it in our cells, muscles, organs, etc.

Others talk about the mind-body connection and the pain-body (Eckhart Tolle). There has been quite extensive research in this area so if you have the inclination to dig deeper, go for it, you will learn so much about yourself, as I have.

The reason I have found that healing the inner child and do the work has been so incredibly helpful for me is that the traumas we experience cause us to get stuck at whatever age they occurred. Then that child is literally running our lives, even in adulthood.

For years, my wounded 10-year-old and 15/16 year old contributed greatly to the self-sabotage I was creating in my life.

The ah-hah moments I recognized today were that I never felt abundant because I always felt alone, unimportant and pretty much worthless. There was no way for me to feel abundance as I was feeling those other things.

Doing the work to heal and integrate my little girl has been an amazing journey. Now when she comes out it more like we are having fun together in finally doing the things I have always loved to do but stopped doing. She helps me now because I connected with her and listen to her.

I have to say the journey through the pain is so sad knowing what she went through but making the decision to just do it and be persistent and love her through it, I could not be more happy and grateful with what is going on now.

As I release old beliefs, stuck feelings and declutter my stuff, I am feeling more and more free to experience the life that I have always wanted.

I will say this…some things had to happen. First I had to decide enough was enough. Then I had to be willing to walk through whatever it took to shift things. Research, research, research both inside and outside of myself was the name of the game for years. Then I did the inner child work. Then I got to experience faith, trust and surrender within myself and forgiveness for myself and others (not easy). Then what started to occur was a knowing, even when I didn’t believe it at times, I just felt what it would feel like to have the things I want in my life.

The universe doesn’t understand the different between something that is actually happening and a thought. Think about a lemon and see if your mouth doesn’t start to water. When we think about what we want instead of what we don’t want and stay in that as often as we can, abundance begins to happen.

I am so grateful at these amazing shifts that have happened in really less than a month since I have been here going through this part of my journey. 30 years ago, I got my first self-help book. I can’t even believe the difference I feel from that broken woman I had been; breaking through from trauma to triumph! Yes! YES! And it keeps getting better.